a skeletal structure & cartilage she had a lobotomy's Journal
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she had a lobotomy

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[31 Jul 2003|07:00pm]
i hate this journal & its memories
9 _______

[14 Apr 2003|06:06pm]
new lj:
6 _______

i got in a fight: [14 Apr 2003|04:12pm]
[ mood | wanker ]

richard punched me in the mouth & made me bleed;
and i punched him in the jaw and left a huge red mark& pain
me: if i was a guy would i be an asshole
richard: yes
me: if i was a girl would i be an asshole
richard: you are; your a big bitch... not to me; but everyone else

i got home & given news:
a friend that knew me since i was a baby was killed yesterday
he got into a car accident on the free-way
he wasn't wearing a seat belt & was thrown from his car
he was then run over by a car & pronounced dead
the funerals wednesday

3 _______

[13 Apr 2003|08:07pm]
i made a community:
join it & love it
if you don't: i'll gut you like a fish
8 _______

talent show '03 [13 Apr 2003|10:08am]
[ mood | cute & cuddly ]

picked up sterling and went to subway_ eat fresh
then off to the school talent show
so good times_ rein of terror MOVAHILL & petey is still a nice young dog
it was so much fun; i got so excited; lotion everywhere!
saw many a lover; im such a player (valerie, casey, paria, caroline... the list goes on)
gary watched me & paria make out
& for those of you that left at intermition:
you missed_: german death metal & BRADLEY!!!
who of course won
i saw mike nader! i always have to use a !!! for him
it started raining so me and sterling went home
& cuddled watching he man show;
sterling can always get me out of my moods; hes good like that
i left & hydroplaned all the way home

my black shirt turned my body colors & my belt & my watch
my mother is MAKING me go to CHURCH!!!

i didn't cut my hair

16 _______

blue eye shadow [12 Apr 2003|01:49pm]
[ mood | left out & bitchy ]

i woke up early to get to SAT class
& text alex with RAPE ME
drove all over the fucking valley;
forced to leave sterlings_
& all i want to do is go to sleep
or do something with SOMEONE!!!
i'm constantly doing things alone:
& it sucks:
i have NO friends & NO money
a great combination

because its so easy to be a loser
42 _______

because i can! [11 Apr 2003|03:46pm]
[ mood | oh thats cute ]

my D block class came in 2nd for raising money for the leukemia girl survival thing: "if she dies; do we get our money back?" we are so going to win the prize; NEVER ENDING PASTA BOWL HERE I COME!!!
i actually had a good day:
i have an A in peer
i have an A in lit + we watched le mis
sat outside with tim at lunch & richard joined & yelled with ayla
gin n juiced it in anatomy with snoop dogg & told racial jokes

i cut my bangs last night& now they're just the right size to get in my eyes
im melting butter over the lamp in the computer room; shows how lazy i really am.

i hate sketchy plans!!! im still uncertain of the nights outcome. the rec center is my best bet because i have NO ONE THAT WANTS TO HANG OUT WITH ME!!!
im the number whore
i've got everyones digits
i got 4 ### today!!!

17 _______

a case of the thursdays [10 Apr 2003|03:42pm]
[ mood | BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!! ]

i didn't even blow dry my hair this morning!!!
i got to school & me and richard bumped bone thugs & i danced on the top of my car & way too many people saw that.
school is gay & last period was odd beacuse we're watching "behind the scenes of star wars" & half way through the movie our teacher gets hungry so we go to lunch early & get food. and realized my forearms are peeling
people actually owe ME money for once!!! 3 $$$s to be exact!
afterschool: bumbed again & danced on my car again & kellie jumped on my car; tackeling me & we both slide off being burnt by hot metal & me and shannonnonon booty dance like no other hoe.
richard jumped in & we had a near death expericence
i slammed on the breaks going at 60 and turned my wheel; but we went no where until we semi stopped and semi fishtailed into a side street; it was kinda cool.
got to desination:tower; latin lover had my cd & totally knew who i was. saw miss festa & she scared the fuck out of me with her man voice & nylon disappointed me this time so i didn't purchase it; took richard back to school; left; i will never take the TAFT way home again!!!

so i don't really like how she gets to see him more than me
goes home with him every day & stays at his house late
and i get an hour+ on the phone &
5 minute visiting hours on the weekend
its not fair and i don't like you!
it sucks & i dislike you for it
find a new partner!!!

34 _______

blue eyes; black heart [09 Apr 2003|04:24pm]
[ mood | nothing so teenage & desperate ]

today was a terrible day
i was horribly sad & for the majority: alone
& the giving tree made me cry for the first time
i went to the gym to induce endorphins;
but they were all out

thank you brooke for being stubborn/bitchy
& born
my god given gift:
the ability to make people around me hate me and push me away
maybe for a reason i do not know
i should migrate north for the summer

13 _______




i love females! [07 Apr 2003|01:54pm]
[ mood | greasy! ]

being unprepared is the worst thing you can do to yourself
that or overdosing on meth
i got home early because i have to go to the DOCTOR DOCTORS!!!
sat down with a can of pringles
& let me tell you
i poped & i droped
pringles everywhere & they ARE TOO GREASY!
so im just going to eat them off of the floor

7 _______

do do do do do do do do doooo (those are all different notes; but look the same) [06 Apr 2003|08:34pm]
[ mood | leather bands ]

today i went shopping & again im poor & i didn't even have that much $$$ (blang blang) to begin with. i got 3 shirts, new undies & booty shorts that will not be wore outside that are pink with lace & black polka dots. went to sterlings to show off my finds & i miss him & its because we're white

now im at home and im bored & its really sad when it comes down to your own mother stalking you & going through all your things just to find something to get you introuble; bending my circle into a box as much as she can to get her way.

they want you or they don't
16 _______

oh baby you want me? cuz you can get this lap dance here fo free [05 Apr 2003|09:30pm]
[ mood | happy ]

THIS MORNING/DAY EVENTS: from 9 am to 1230 pm i was held captive at CSUN for SAT training; & my SAT tranining teacher is literally gay & when he does something wrong he smacks his cheak and puts his hands on his hips; and his name is mr.kelly. then i went to semi to pick up bernard (car) & i am now the owner of the tytest system; well; at least i think; the screen is like watching a repetitive movie. and then arriving at derek's with much deliberation & effort; i pull up & they can hear me from inside. band practice: open mic= brooke time to shine & me and tona are so co. duets. chocolate/whipped cream; cold pizza; hairy asses & lots of screaming. tona gave me my birthday gift: random stickers; a cereal box stop watch & my fav!!! 2 PAC SHAKERS LICENCE; TO KILL! richard gave me a white cuff & sweated/streched it out for me. so much of me having a good time. me and tina started to my house & i stopped at verizon to get a new entena & the guy hit on me. & me and tina HAD to go home...

THIS EVENINGS EVENTS: walking to my house: i get mugged; my head slamed into the gate & sweat shirt over my face/head; my ankel stepped on & shoved into a car with irradic drivin. sterling; richard; tona; & tina kidnapped me!!! for my birthday; again. i had to do so much walking & SOMEONE ran me into a curb & i got angry! & people staring. went to nathans & i got a horse shoe for the tummy & then "blind folded" again & went to chuck E. cheeses!!!! you know you have to be with someone 18 to get in?! so tona grabbed an old guy & he said we were with him. CHUCK E. CHESSES FUCKING ROCKS! its sad: but me and tina combined only had 101 tickets & so we got LICK-A-DICK & body glitter. it was so much fun; i don't care if most of it didn't work out; it was great.

i bite my nails too much;
so sterling is cute & tries to regulate
but it doesn't matter; they're still nubs
i love him even when he runs me into things

i want to join the brooke obsession club
where the fuck do i sign up?

7 _______

love love love and then you die [04 Apr 2003|02:35pm]
today sucked myah bawlls
even though i watched "who framed rodger rabbit" in film
i watched that movie every day when i was a kid; i love it
left school early & i'm going to get my blood drawn
my blood is so dark & pretty
going to a play with sterling tonight
i have to drop my car off in semi:
the honda's getting a ghetto ride;
system wha?
animated face plate wha?
3 _______

happy unbirthday pooty pooty [03 Apr 2003|08:49pm]
[ mood | up & down & now crying ]

richard made me a nice card for my birthday & it had pictures of me & him as a little boy on it. sterling gave me my gift(fig 1). after school: took sterling home & played guitar & burrowed neck style & wrestled & shower time. then we went to PF changs for dinner & ate until our tummies were big and round and then went to 818 frieght to look at dresses and jeans. went to the mailbox and opened up letters with cash/check payable to me & walked into the house with one light on & a letter on the ground; my gift was the same as sterlngs and my moms asleep in her room with no happy birthday from the one that gave me life. she has just ruined my birthday; & it was going so well for once.


41 _______

i want you to always be like this: [02 Apr 2003|08:37pm]
he bought me a ghetto funk balloon to make me laugh & 17 yellow tulips carefully orcestrated in brown paper and red ribbon
he took me out to dinner & we talked throught 2 hours
3 entres/servings & lemon drizzled cookies with candles in them
we made fun of people & laughed at their expence
got the rest in take out & broke down the makings of an after dinner mint
he played metalcore in the car & i love him:
because hes my dad & today he was nice

[ mood | RAPTURE!!! ]

so much of me not doing my homework that i've let pile up & leave half done/incomplete/blank.i haven't done any homework_ _ _ _
REASON 1: printers broken
REASON 2: im lazy & would rather make paper pretty

last night i made richard & sterling a card_ i was bored & feeling artistic
right on late schedual for math; read my nylon in religion & got in trouble in film
drove home with my mind wondering & passed my house & not paying attention to where i was going/direction/destination

i got in a fight with my mom this morning:
& she tried to blame everything on me_ like always
so i told her "yous hould have kept my fat ass 8 pounds of flesh in her vagina and hoped i died of suffication; its your fault im here, for not keeping your legs closed & i hate you for giving me life; at least you don't have to ruin my life i have while i've got it."
all i asked for was money for clothes_
& then she blamed it on my father

my middle name is always

8 _______

April 23, 1992 [01 Apr 2003|03:18pm]
[ mood | you need to realize FG.1&4: ]

thank fucking god my old history teacher is back: grades go up, did noting in class & i was even late and didn't have to get a slip. test in anatomy_ didn't study(-)& then a text message battle with todd. gary & i were partners in peer & it was suppost to be a group of 3, but no one likes us_ he cut me off and i was an agressive motorist & ate strawbarries/ blue barries with brown sugar that deanna gave me_in exchange for sex_ & made sugar apples for gary&jason. i told cameron to hold my $$$ (blang blang) for me so i wouldn't spend it, but i made him give it back, even under my strict directions to not do so. i have a problem with spending money. so at lunch: me and richard had 7 fucking $$$ & we were like little girls excited for disneyland that can't go to sleep because they're so excited. its funny how every lit class i get moved to a new seat; for doing nothing & erich stapled himself in the leg 4 times

im sorry; but you don't talk to me like that
no matter what
some mood swings can/can't be helped;
it only happens because of my environment

evil ninja's insult of the day: damn. you're so stupid, you're french
it made me laugh: so much to say

6 _______

WOWZAH! [31 Mar 2003|03:03pm]
[ mood | BLOOD CLOT ]


happy birthday gelatins smearing bruises on your chin.There's cake but no mouth, conch but no sound, glossy skeletons boyfriends but no friends.

bunched up & playing cards on your pillow [30 Mar 2003|08:43pm]
[ mood | im a hot rod ]

mammoth 2003 28_30th:

me: no make up; harsh goggle tan; battle wounds '03
i have a 5.4 (i measured) patch of tan/burnt skin on my forearm
showing the end of my glove to the start of my sweatshirt

lots a bad nightmares & not enough snow
"all in all": great ass trip_ but i have to wait until spring break to go again
way home_
the car broke down 5 times
& what should have been a 4.5/5 hour drive home
rapidly turned into 6/7+ hour drive home;
full of coasting & sitting on the side of the desert road waiting for the car to start & almost having to sleep at hickville inn for the night
so i played the_ delete people you don't talk to/know/remeber who's name/hate from your cell phone phone book

i have hella burns in random places & i didn't even know my birthday's in 4 days
& my boyfriends taking me out for dinner;
hes so cute i just want to love him!!!

25 _______

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